In the great song “The Gambler,” Kenny Rogers sings you’d better “know when to walk away, and know when to run.” Today I’d like to look at the notion of putting distance between you and the dramas of others.

Dramatic actors need an audience. They need people to perform for. They want people to be moved by their actions. They desire to inspire sympathy, empathy, pity, admiration or even envy in the audience, but most importantly, they must be paid attention to!

In your life, you will have relationships with people who are more dramatic than others. Maybe it’s a friend who always has an amusing story, or a crisis. Maybe it’s a family member who, no matter what, just never seems to get their stuff together. Or perhaps it’s a co-worker who feels the need to regale everyone at work with their stories of triumph or of rotten luck. Whoever it is, my guess is that it is a pretty easy matter for each person to list the “dramatic actors” in their lives. Maybe you’re one yourself!

So how do you know when to not just walk away from peoples’ upsetting dramas, but actually when to run? This brings us to the subject of detachment. As I have discussed in previous entries, detachment does not mean cold, selfish, indifference to the sufferings of others. Rather, it is the point of accepting everyone and everything so fully, so completely, that there is no inner tension, no inner judgment or conflict. When we are detached from a person’s drama, we have no need to feel anxiety or anger at that person for their choices. We can observe the person as simply another spiritual being having a very human experience, and leave it at that. We do not give them power over our peace of mind, we do not lose sleep over their problems, nor do we engage in hostile talk or thoughts about their behavior.

There are many good books about learning how to detach yourself conversationally from the dramatic actors in your life. Look for them among books about psychology, self-help, and office life. When you learn to do this, you can also learn the art of detaching from them in your mind. For me, the most effective method of doing this is meditation, but you can also try hypnosis, journaling, or working with a therapist of some kind. Either way, your actions and your mind will ideally come into synch, and therein lies peace and a harmonious life. Good luck!