I spent much of this morning wallowing in self-pity, and taking out my negative attitude on my dear husband. I won’t tell you why I was feeling sorry for myself, because it’s really embarrassing! But as I noticed my thoughts and energy spinning more and more out of control, I sat down and meditated. Sure enough, I forgot to turn off my phone, and I heard my cell phone ring with my husband’s distinctive ring tone. After talking to him for five minutes and getting some more information on the same theme, I was wallowing even further in this self-generated poo!

I’ve been reflecting, since then, on the nature of self-pity. I don’t have any profound thoughts about it, really, except that I’ve been focusing on the repellent nature of it. Essentially, self-pity is not an attractive energy to others! No one wants to attend a self-pity party that you’re holding, and no one really thinks that such parties are good things to throw for yourself. Like I said, at this moment I lack real insight onto WHY we get into these states of mind, other than that I suspect fear to be a root cause, but I did realize how unappealing we can be to others when we are in them. I noticed that I felt closed off, shut down, angry and resentful, and really had no target to direct my negativity except myself and “the world.” “Why me,” I moaned internally. “How come everyone else gets X and I don’t get the same in return?” Ugh!

I wish I were more advanced and detached from petty ego bruising. I am striving to be more selfless, and generous, and less self-absorbed, but I don’t always achieve it. This morning was one of those “didn’t make it, not by a long shot!” times. I ask myself, “If a client came to you with the same problem, beating herself up for having a rash of babyish selfishness and taking it out on others, what would you say to her?”

I would respond by telling her to be gentle with herself, let the emotional state work itself out on its own, and determine to cause as little harm to others the next time, should she find herself in the same predicament. I would ask her to sit in silence, and reflect on where the real pain lay in her feelings of suffering.

I shall give myself the same advice. Be patient with those you love, and those you don’t know well enough yet to love, including yourself. Good luck!