Have you ever stopped to think that the people we feel most comfortable with are those whom we ask nothing of? When you are with someone that you depend upon to act and react the way you want them to, you have made yourself vulnerable to disturbing your peace of mind. This is because you care about how someone else behaves.

People get stuck in this quagmire of expectations of others constantly. You become dependent on your boss’s approval, or what your children do with their lives, or whether your partner is happy or not. Please understand, I am not saying that we shouldn’t care about people, or seek harmony with them. But inner harmony is something we often far too easily put in last place, seeking to appease others or gain their approval.

Underlying all this desire for approval and acceptance is an enormous amount of fear, and the fear is derived from a false notion. For example, let’s say you value your relationship with someone. If I were to write “your relationship with X” on a piece of paper, and then erased it in front of you, would you be worried? Of course not, because you realize that words on paper are an idea, not reality. Erasing or disrupting an idea in the physical world does not threaten or frighten us. However, when we cling to a relationship, or a career, or a home, and we feel those things are threatened by the actions of other people, we lose our inner peace.

Please, tend to your own inner peace first! If it means dropping expectations of others, do so immediately. Only you are responsible for your own soul development. Your growth is down to you, and you alone. As the Buddha said, “you must work out your own salvation.” Don’t try to get others to do the work for you. They cannot and they will not. What other people will do, though–especially the ones closest to you–is give you an opportunity to liberate yourself by dropping your expectations and practicing acceptance. They will do this by “disappointing” you. The sooner you realize this, the more chance you will have at inner peace and liberation.

Good luck, everyone!