When someone tells you they don’t know what to do, they are lying. In this example, I do not mean that someone is honestly stating their ignorance, as in “how do I tune this piano? I don’t know what to do!” Rather, I refer to situations in which people are stuck between knowing what they want to do, and also knowing that to do it would conflict with their desire to appear humble or “nice.”

Deep down, they realize that the way they’d like to solve their problem smacks of self-interest. Simultaneously, their desire to maintain their idealized self-image to others is another ego attachment. As acknowledging this truth is unacceptable to the ego, the brain seems to go into a kind of functioning freeze. All that can come out is, “I don’t know!”

If you find yourself in this situation, get still and go deeper. As you observe and fearlessly look at how you may be clinging and craving to your ego attachments, whether it be to looking good or being selfish, you may see that you become “unstuck.” The deeper truth emerges, the conflict dissolves, and the real answers to your problems appear. Simultaneously, you will realize that there actually was no problem to begin with. How liberating!