During high school, some very kind grownup gave me a quotation attributed to Woody Allen. I don’t know if the quotation is correct, or if Woody Allen even said it, but the quotation was “80% of success in life comes from just showing up.” He’s right. In the past, I had the very bad habit of not showing up if I felt unprepared or otherwise inadequate. I wouldn’t stand people up, but I admit that I would manufacture lame “excuses” for my absence, or even give myself psychosomatic illnesses that would “prevent” me from participating.

When I was young, being “nice” was paramount, anger was frowned on, and open conflict was unacceptable. Lots of girls get handed this cultural script, so I knew I wasn’t alone, even then. With some family members, if I rose up in protest, the response I got was to be shunned by the silent treatment. I gave myself a fine training in the art of passive aggression, which no doubt angered and frustrated many, but ultimately hurt me the most of all.

As an adult, I still struggle with that old default position. I may find myself in the conflicted position of wanting to please someone else, but not wanting to do what they ask of me. In other words, I want my own way and still look good to others! Alas, this is often impossible in real life. If you are honest with yourself, and commit to communicating openly and truthfully with others, sooner or later you are going to have to say “no, I do not wish to do that.” Their frustration, anger, or disappointment in you is something they will have to work out for themselves.

Note, I am not advocating that people just say “no” to everything that might be inconvenient or difficult for them. Making sacrifices and going the extra mile for those we love, and even for those we don’t love, or don’t even know, is good for character, good for the world, and good for your karmic merit. However, it is important to be honest with yourself about why you are, or are not, showing up in your life and honoring your commitments. Most people need practice in the art of stopping and thinking before making a commitment to another, particularly if the other person exudes a sense of urgency. Ultimately, though, it is better to make a commitment wholeheartedly, rather than a half-hearted one that you don’t want or intend to keep.

So, what’s the psychic connection to this topic? Well, if you are going to develop psychically, you also are expected to continuously work on your character. Honesty, reliability, trustworthiness, charity and practicing the Golden Rule are qualities that every human being is capable of, and morally responsible for, developing within themselves. Regardless of your abilities, psychic or otherwise, you are not left off the hook in terms of doing your part in the world as a peaceful, honest, loving participant. You are expected to leave the world a better place than you found it. So endeth the sermon from Auntie Lana!