Let me tell you, there is great freedom that presents itself when you notice that your actions or thoughts are futile. Now, what do I mean by “futile”? Certainly, American culture resists the notion of futility. We are taught to try, try, try again. We don’t like quitters, because they are labeled “losers,” or people with a “negative attitude.” But actually, there is great wisdom that can be gained when we just take a deep breath and say, “this is not working. It never worked before, it’s not working now, and it’s not ever going to work. Enough!”

In that empty space that follows, usually what rushes in is the immediate thought “well, if that doesn’t work, what will?” This is solution oriented thinking, and when applied in the right circumstances, it entirely appropriate. We’d never have the light bulb, if Thomas Edison had just thrown up his hands and given up. Artists would never become masters, writers would never write their great works. We get impatient with ourselves when we have gone just beyond the beginner’s stage but have not become fully at ease with our work. We hate our own intellectual puberty!

Still, in terms of consciousness, we have to go a bit deeper to see how our habitual thought patterns and the roles we play unconsciously can, if they are not truly authentic or meaningful, just keep us trapped in our own misery. Responding to our own emotional trigger points, attaching ourselves to our identity and our ego trips, carefully feeding and tending our “righteous” anger until it grows like kudzu…all of these are things we do habitually, but not for any dang good reason at all.

We make the mistake that because something that is an ingrained habit within ourselves and most of the people we encounter, we believe it is “natural.” It is not. These attitudes and practices are futile. Once we realize that, we can begin to be free. We can experience that empty space within us, and instead of just rushing in with “solutions” to our existential pain, we can just be with it, and watch it grow, grow, and finally burst like a bubble into nothingness. Then the stillness can come. We can realize that in that quiet, still emptiness, all becomes OK. There is no question of whether something is useful or futile. The question itself just disappears, and we are free.

Good luck!